| From This Week In Texas Television
That’s right: In a humbling act of self-sacrifice, I watched the Jonas Brothers’ Camp Rock movie. Shock of shocks, I made it through fairly unscathed and disturbingly entertained between giggles. And it wasn’t because I think Kevin Jonas pings. (Please tell me I’m not the only one who thinks that.) Truth is, in good conscience I can’t stick with my original plan of calling it cruel or randy names, like “Camp Shlock” or “Camp Cock.” Sure, it was a silly, predictable electro-pop, full of sugary lyrics punctuated by throaty “oooh-UHs.” But that’s all it ultimately needs to be for the teen and tween set, who according to news reports tuned in en masse. The bottom line is the Jonas Brothers are the Hansons with less of a future in music but more dough to sustain themselves in the long run (all hail the deity known as Disney). Rest assured, boy fans will get their hair butchered into the Joe Jonas frizzy shag, while girls will keep dripping for his other shag. Oh, yeah: numerous news outlets are reporting that a Camp Rock sequel is on the table with shooting expected sometime next year. Start, start, start the party! In other beautiful boy news, we hear that Chace Crawford’s limp wrist is yet again flapping about in an effort to swat away any rumors regarding his questionable sexuality.
We’ve all seen the multitude of photos of the Gossip Girl stud and his connected-at-the-hip travel buddy JC Chasez over the past few months. In hot pursuit of the truth, a reporter from Metro UK asked him about the gay rumors, and he told them, “You haven't made it unless there's been a gay rumour about you.” So, is he boinking JC? “No, of course not,” he practically screamed in the Q&A posted online last Wednesday. Well, of course, a mere 24 hours later his people were also dismissing rumors that he’s tossing tongues with GG cast mate Ed Westwick. “Absolutely untrue,” his reps told Us Magazine. Gosh, I guess Chace has officially “made it.” Again and again and again. And he probably isn’t finished making it yet. In other outing news: Remember Army Sgt. Darren Manzella, who came out on 60 Minutes last December and has seemingly languished in limbo since then? Well, What-A-Manzella has finally been booted from boot camp under the military’s 'Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell' policy, according to the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network. Seriously. It took military brass a full six months from when the sexy sarge appeared on a national news program to figure out that, yuppers, there was a problem with his declaration. (Also note that he first came out to an Army supervisor back in 2006. The response at that time was that there was no “evidence” of homosexuality, despite solid photographic, uh, proof.) Wow. Yet America wonders why there’s no timeline for military withdrawal from Iraq. Turns out it’s because no one’s going to realize there’s a problem until about five years from now. There were some other guys in “uniform” who caught our attention last week, too. I’m of course talking about the “Brokeback meets Broadway” DC Cowboys who dazzled us with their smiles and tight-tight jeans on America’s Got Talent. Nothing like a flash of red flannel and Levis to stimulate our hearts, not to mention other body parts! The queer cowpokes sure beat the show’s other gay entry: A scary-tall Dionne Warwick impersonator who needs to retire the mascara and cheek implants. Just walk on by, girl. Didja hear that Anderson Cooper pretty much got called out as a big ol’ girl on his CNN program last week? And by the Rev. Al Sharpton at that?
Okay, I exaggerate. But during a discussion about evangelicals and the issues they can’t help but rail on, the Rev. Al seemed to be addressing our Coopster as if the conversation were one-on-one in a church confessional, and not in front of a bazillion viewers. "I may have some very conservative personal feelings but I feel you have the right to live your life differently,” said Sharpton. “I might think that what you do, Anderson, is gonna put you in Hell, but I'm gonna defend your right to get there." Responded Anderson in all his gaily grinning glory, "I appreciate all your concerns about my afterlife. I'm personally not all that concerned, but that's a whole other discussion." You can say that again. The blogosphere naturally exploded with the news that the gay gig was up for Anderson. But the Rev. Al later clarified to Gay City News that he didn’t mean to imply that our graying God was, you know, that way. "I have no idea of his sexuality. I was not talking about him as an individual anyway. It could have been anybody," he said. Thanks, Al. You were almost our hero there. The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation did some calling out themselves last week. In an exercise that mixes together people with divergent lives for a month, the FX Network show 30 Days tossed a salad that would leave a truly bitter taste: Two gay dads spending quality time with an anti-gay Christian woman named Kati. Intercut with their not-so-bonding experience was analysis from Peter Sprigg, a rather misguided fellow from the feverishly anti-gay Family Research Council. You know his boilerplate drill: “… higher rates of sexual promiscuity … mental illness … child sexual abuse …” Blah, blah, blah. Well, our friends at GLAAD asked the network to remove Sprigg’s mirky claims from any future airings, or to at least bring in more credible experts for accuracy’s sake. FX’s response: Not so much. So GLAAD is pushing its supporters to bombard network highers-up with requisite phone calls and e-mails of complaint. Expect a lot of full voicemails and inboxes at FX headquarters for a while. In other finger-wagging news, the bombastic blowhards at the American Family Association last week successfullly convinced the Heinz company to pull a witty ad in England that depicts a “homosexual family” (oh, horror!) and a same-sex smooch (more horror!).
In response, gay rights group Stonewall is calling a boycott of Heinz products, labeling the ad’s inclusive content “innocuous,” and adding that they “can’t imagine that Heinz would respond to protests about black people featuring in their adverts.” Quite true. And I wouldn’t be surprised if the Heinz boycott somehow makes it across the pond and is embraced by gays perusing supermarkets in North America, too. Hold the ketchup and relish, please. Speaking of homo-centric advertising, be sure to check out the plethora of gay-themed ads that have been rounded up over the years by the Commercial Closet Association at CommercialCloset.org. The nonprofit group is prepping for its annual Images in Advertising Awards, which later this month will shine a bright, stunningly pink spotlight on the best gay-inclusive ads from 2007. Expect that the gay-forward ad that spurred the Heinz debacle will somehow make next year’s cut, even if the company ultimately wimped out. We couldn’t help but notice that gay faves Pushing Daisies, Ugly Betty, The Wire and Grey’s Anatomy were among the shows listed in last week’s unprecedented release of semifinalists for this year’s Primetime Emmy awards. Look for our own Neil Patrick Harris and Daisies cutie Kristin Chenoweth to announce the final nominations during a live event on July 17, with the Emmy telecast itself set for Sept. 21. And about our man, our Dirty Dirty Doogie (surely you recall his declaration of having a “versatile” sex life to Howard Stern not too long ago). Is Neil Patrick Harris all over the place lately, or what? In between filming How I Met Your Mother, he’s also popping up in droll print and TV ads for Old Spice products (how SO not gay!). Plus, the trailer for his starring role in the peculiar Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog (“coming soon to a computer near you”) is becoming quite the virtal tease at DrHorrible.com. The more NPH, the merrier, we say. Another online destination to check out: If you like music videos, meander to MTV’s new FNMTV online network. Every Friday night, the show “FNMTV Premieres” will debut new music vids, sprinkled with guest performances and appearances by the hottest of the hot, from Rihanna to Maroon 5. Bonus: it’s hosted by occasional man-kisser and daddy-to-be Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy. Consider it bookmarked. While we’re on man-macking, did you not howl when Will Smith puckered up and lured David Letterman into some chaste yet cheeky smooches on the Late Show last week? And when the Hancock star pushed Davey’s buttons with “Once you go black, you never go back, Dave!” poor Mr. Letterman had no idea where to go from there and wound up changing the subject entirely. Perhaps he should take some pointers from Pete Wentz. Then again, we all should! |
