Judicial
Sexual Harassment Charges Filed Against Perez Hilton, George Steinbrenner
By Dylan Vox

Oct 22, 2007

Jonathan Lee Riches

If you haven’t heard the name Jonathan Lee Riches, then you probably haven’t been involved with the federal court system in the past few years. In jail on federal charges of fraud, Riches has been filing bizarre lawsuits against everyone from Barry Bonds to muckraker Perez Hilton claiming outlandish and often humorous accusations against his victims. This week, he has turned his attention to Yankees owner George Steinbrenner and Knicks Coach Isiah Thomas suggesting that he had a gay love affair with both men and was now being sexually harassed.  

The cleverly twisted minds at Smokinggun.com which is famous for digging up some of the most peculiar facts in pop culture has been keeping up with the Riches litigation and has posted the actual handwritten lawsuits filed from the south Carolina federal Correctional institute.  

Riches, who also refers to himself as The Nostradamus of Commerce," "The Credit Card Czar," and my favorite, "The White Suge Knight” was convicted of identify theft and is serving a ten year sentence for his trouble.  

With plenty of time to write elaborate claims, Riches has filed suit against the Wu Tang Klan, Christina Applegate, the Lincoln Memorial, Plato, and most infamously sports figures from David Beckham who he claims committed soccer piracy, and, Tour de France loser Floyd Landis who Riches claims allowed E.T. to use his magical powers on to help him win the race to Michael Vick who he claims stole his dogs which I guess technically wouldn’t be so far fetched.  

His latest dig against Steinbrenner claims that as his gay lover, Steinbrenner called him “Jonny Choo choo” and would commit verbal sodomy against him and was demanding a trillion dollars in damages.  

He makes similar charges against Thomas claiming that the coach bribed him with thousand dollar bills not to tell his mother that they would French kiss. He then claims Thomas made him commit credit card fraud in order to keep up the relationship.  

Although all the allegations are completely made up, the pages of handwritten case findings are peppered with some logistic accuracy’s and legal jargon making them all the more entertaining.  

Hopefully the already strained court system is not being bogged down by the bogus claims, but given the right medium, Riches could have been a hell of a lawyer.