The Stylish Gay Man: Fact or Fiction?

From This Week In Texas

Fashion & Style
The Stylish Gay Man: Fact or Fiction?
By Duane Wells

Oct 31, 2007

A recent article in a major men’s periodical begged the question: “Are gay men really more stylish”? The conclusion? There was little truth behind the long held belief that gay men are indeed more sartorially savvy creatures than their straight counterparts. With all due respect, however, I must beg to differ with that assessment.

Stereotypes are funny things. Whether we choose to accept the fact or not, stereotypes are much like good gossip in the sense that there is at least a shred of truth in most of them. Similarly, most stereotypes, just like most gossip, stretch a shred of truth to such limits that the line between fact and fiction becomes blurred. Such is the case with the myth of the fashionable gay man.

In recent years, whenever I have been asked by straight acquaintances of either the male or female variety why gay men tend to be better looking or have a greater sense of style, I have rebuffed their appraisals by saying that, “I don’t believe that gay men are necessarily naturally better looking or any more stylish, but I do believe we work harder at it”.

Growing up, my fastidious mother would always tell me that “even a dump looks better when it’s clean”. She used those words to encourage me to make sure that my room was always kept tidy, my shoes polished to a high shine, my clothes perfectly pressed and my person immaculately scrubbed. And you know what? My mother was right.

As a teen, whether or not I had the latest, most expensive jeans or the most au courant footwear, whatever I did have, it looked pristine. That is what garnered attention and set me apart from other little boys born of, shall we say, parents with less exacting standards.

I reflect back on my mother’s lesson as I examine the correlation between a man’s sense of style and his sexual orientation. When I go out and look around a typical gay watering hole or nightspot these days, what I often see is a reflection of a community where youth is prized, body image is exalted, the fashionable and trendy is celebrated and sexuality is palpable.

What I also see is a culture or community where these attributes are widely held in such high esteem that they have become definitive to the point of exclusivity. Given the abnormally high bar that we gay men have set for ourselves then, it is no particular wonder or unduly taxing stretch to understand how it has come to be that gay men are perceived as more stylish by those on the outside looking in.

Let’s face the facts, shall we? It may simply be a mask for other deep-seeded issues or an internalization of the expectations of the outside world, but a great many gay men are obsessed with the notion of stylish ‘fabulousness’… so much so, in fact, that they will live at the very edge of our means in order to achieve their version of it. Right, wrong or indifferent, when you put that much effort into something, you are bound to achieve results.

Contrary to the stereotype, however, all gay men are not paragons of style. You see, that’s the problem with stereotypes - they generalize without exception. Like all human beings, gay men are first individuals, shaped by the unique environments from whence we have come and the custom tailored paths that life has taken us down. We learn behaviors, absorb mannerisms and seek out role models that reflect our true natures.

Hence the reason that as an African-American gay man, my passion for fashion is as much the result of interaction with my compatriots in the gay community and my affinity for the historical ‘gay dandy’ as my love of gospel music, fried chicken and collard greens is the result of my Southern roots. I am no more inherently fashionable because I am gay than I am a lover of soul food and soulful wailing because I also happen to be Black man. None of this, however, detracts from the verity of the stereotypes that some might immediately ascribe to me based upon a seemingly superficial examination. Though it is a sometimes bitter pill to swallow, analysis does not trump fact… often times it merely explains it in more depth, shedding light on how or why a thing has come to be, while simultaneously confirming its veracity.

So are gay men generally more stylish? You bet your sweet ass we are. For the sake of this argument, it matters not if the reigning predilection for stylish pursuits among a sizeable swath of gay male culture is the result of some random gene or founded upon a plethora of shallow, ill-founded hypotheses worthy of psychological examination.

What matters is that taking into account all of the relevant cultural and social indicators, there is indeed significant evidence to support the existence of the mythic fashionable gay man. I’m not saying that’s a good thing, but I am saying it's a thing that is.

Until next time… Cheers!