| From This Week In Texas Exercise/Fitness
Dear Barry -
I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to have fun sober. Any advice?
- Suddenly Sober Suddenly Sober - I used to ask myself the same thing. Why? Because drugs were my best friend and I “partied” with them. Even the word “party” suggests good times. Wrong! Ever hear the phrase “the party’s over”? Well I’m here to tell ya, when it was over it wasn’t pretty… and neither was I. It’s cute when you’re high and drunk and toting around in your jeans free balling it. But when you’re 41, not so much. I also found out when I got sober that the fun had only begun. You have to be patient though—give yourself time to make new friends, rebuild the good friendships you’ve destroyed (yes, destroyed, but they are repairable), and be comfortable in your own skin. You don’t have to go to bars to have a good time. Truth is you can do anything sober that you could do drunk and high and not end up feeling like shit the morning after, as long as what you’re doing isn’t lacking in self esteem. I found that sober, I got back to my creativity—returning to songwriting, and writing a screenplay. I had new friends and actually ventured out of the house to see movies. I’m having lunches and dinners all the time. My life today is so full compared to what it was like. Toward the end of my using days, I used to come home from Bootcamp and isolate until the next morning, either doing drugs or crashing from them. You can dance, you can sing, you can do anything: You just have to let go of your old friends the bottle, the drugs and the hangover and learn to party with your new friend… the real you. You can do a lot with a clear head and a good heart instead of booze and drugs… in my humble opinion. - Barry Jay
Dear Barry -
I have a friend who recently went through rehab and has been clean and
sober for four months. The problem is, I think he’s replaced his
addition to cocaine with an addiction to the gym. He goes seven days a
week, sometimes twice a day, and if anything gets in the way of his
workout, he won’t do it. How can I talk to him without sending him back
the other direction?
- Confused and Concerned Dear Concerned - Let’s cut to the chase here: Butt out. This is none of your business. He’s four months sober, which is really new, and learning to live his life again. He has a lot on his mind and must learn to deal with life on life’s terms without his old friend Coke. When I first got sober, I went back to songwriting, eating (a lot) and my DVD collection. EBay was a home away from home. As long as I had something to check out with, I was fine. And I have been fine for three years. You must remember the gym is not his problem. Substance abuse is. In time, I’m sure it’ll even itself out on its own. What you can do is be a supportive friend and listen, without judgment. The gym won’t keep him sober, and God knows it never kept me sober; he still needs to be involved in his recovery, which I hope he learned in rehab. For him, this is a healthy outlet and he’s not isolating and he’s doing something good for himself, as opposed to self destructive behavior. So, in my humble opinion, apply the serenity prayer here. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change (other people), the courage to change the things I can (yourself) and the wisdom to know the difference, which, I hope, I just gave you. - Barry Jay
- Have a question for Barry? Send an email to Barry@GayWired.com
and your letter may appear in an upcoming editon of In My Humble Opinion, Monday's on GayWired.com.
For more information on Barry’s Boot Camp, visit www.BarrysBootCamp.com |
