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| Barry Jay |
Dear Barry -
I have a friend who recently went through rehab and has been clean and
sober for four months. The problem is, I think he’s replaced his
addition to cocaine with an addiction to the gym. He goes seven days a
week, sometimes twice a day, and if anything gets in the way of his
workout, he won’t do it. How can I talk to him without sending him back
the other direction?
- Confused and Concerned
Dear Concerned -
Let’s cut to the chase here: Butt out. This is none of your business. He’s four months sober, which is really new, and learning to live his life again. He has a lot on his mind and must learn to deal with life on life’s terms without his old friend Coke.
When I first got sober, I went back to songwriting, eating (a lot) and my DVD collection. EBay was a home away from home. As long as I had something to check out with, I was fine. And as of yesterday I have been fine for three years.
You must remember the gym is not his problem. Substance abuse is. In time, I’m sure it’ll even itself out on its own. What you can do is be a supportive friend and listen, without judgment.
The gym won’t keep him sober, and God knows it never kept me sober; he still needs to be involved in his recovery, which I hope he learned in rehab. For him, this is a healthy outlet and he’s not isolating and he’s doing something good for himself, as opposed to self destructive behavior.
So, in my humble opinion, apply the serenity prayer here. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change (other people), the courage to change the things I can (yourself) and the wisdom to know the difference, which, I hope, I just gave you.
- Barry Jay
Dear Barry -
I seem to have a lot of trouble with cardio. I’m just not motivated to do it. I’m fine with weights, but running I
hate. Any suggestions for something else I might try?
- Nowhere to Run
Dear Nowhere -
You’re singing my song. The only thing that ever motivated me was to do it with a group. I used to go to the gym alone and glare at the clock while on the treadmill, only walking and most of the time getting off earlier than I should due to extreme hate. Then I got a job at fitness studio and took a class with treadmills, that I loved so much I ended up teaching it and of course, today run a place that has treadmills as part of the class.
With a group I got caught up with the energy of others. Before I knew it, my 30 minutes were up. Doing this several times a week at first I actually went from a non runner to someone who ran 10 miles a day. Even though that didn’t last forever, I was thrilled doing it while it did.
There are other forms of cardio if you try this and it doesn’t work. Biking, swimming, hiking, jumping rope and rowing. There are all sorts of groups (gay groups too) for each of these. And I can think of worse ways to spend time than with a bunch of guys in Speedos.
If you continue to experiment, in my humble opinion, you’ll be doing cardio in the process and will eventually stumble into what’s right for you. Just never give up the hunt.
- Barry Jay
