Dating
Dating Someone Whose Political Views Differ From Yours
By Gena Hymowech

Apr 17, 2007

No doubt about it: We live in a more politically charged time than ever. And though many people are not politically involved—heck, some of us even don’t vote—we all have differing political opinions about different subjects. (Don't just assume because you are dating someone who is gay, that person is automatically liberal.)

Believe it or not, your political views can affect your relationships. (And you thought you got into enough arguments as it was!) While neither party wants to—or should be expected to—change his or her viewpoints, that doesn’t mean you can’t “agree to disagree.” Here’s how to navigate the tricky intersection of relationships and politics:

First of all, don’t be so quick to judge, and always keep an open mind. We all have ideas of how Democrats and Republicans act. But most people don’t fit into easy-to-judge stereotypes. It takes a while to understand someone fully, and just knowing what their political leanings are will not tell you the whole story, or even half of it. So take these great words of advice from Stephen F. Milioti, who wrote an entire  www.MSN.com article on the topic: “When it comes to dating and politics, it’s smart to decide whether you like your date as a person first, rather than viewing him or her as just a donkey or an elephant.”

It's also important to take other, non-political issues into account. Do you share the same moral feelings? Is your partner self-hating about his or her sexuality? Does he or she have a good relationship with Mom and Dad? Do you both want children? These are things that could potentially be much more relevant to your relationship than political ideas. If you focus only on politics, you might be missing the bigger picture.

Sometimes just the fact that you both like politics is more important than that you have different party affiliations, says Milioti: “You may find that the same thoughtfulness and activism that spurs on your political pursuits are attractive qualities in a mate, even if he or she expresses those differently. As long as your goal is conversation — not conversion — healthy debates can make for healthy dates,” he says.

Look at individual political issues. “…You may find out that the issues that drew your darling to the party are perfectly palatable to you,” notes Miliotti. Many Democrats and Republicans have the same thoughts about certain issues. Find out what issues are important to you and then find out how he or she feels about them.

Don’t be discouraged. You may feel depressed upon seeing personal ads that say respondents shouldn't have voted for Bush, but Jim Pease, who is the president of the Tampa Bay, Florida chapter of Log Cabin Republicans, tells Milioti that his conservative views have never ended his relationships. 

Still, you should be realistic. If your partner is disrespecting your political views, or makes fun of them or you, it may be time to move on. Some people simply find they can’t date someone who is of another political party than they are. It depends on the people and the situation. If you have had numerous relationships break up because of different political views, you might want to consider taking advantage of the personal ad sites which cater specifically to certain political party supporters. Look at www.DemocraticSingles.net and www.ConservativeMatch.com. Or if you are not into online dating, consider volunteering to work on your favorite politician’s campaign, or joining a political organization. This way, you’ll feel satisfied, knowing you are doing something you’re passionate about, even if you don’t meet Mr. or Ms. Right.